I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
