There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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