Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
