I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
