i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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