honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
