Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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