i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
