im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
