dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
