is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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