Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
