what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize