I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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