How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
