Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
