Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bring money and cleavage
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
