Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
