just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
