drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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