i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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