please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
