Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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