There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
