Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
