hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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