Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize