we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
