i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
