We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
