Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
now i know why i became what i already was.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
