I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think people are normalizing furries
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
