For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want a musical about memes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize