We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
