I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
