i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
