oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
