I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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