1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
