If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
