Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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