god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
