Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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