Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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