real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
