and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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