I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
