Kiss
Puke
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize