i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
