oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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