I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
