I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Jerry, you need to find god
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
