My sheets look like a crime scene.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
