apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
