So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
