Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize