apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
