I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
