Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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