I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
