i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
