the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
