chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
