In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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