you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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