just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
