I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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