sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
