i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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