You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
