What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
