I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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