You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
