I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize