My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
