can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
