I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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