My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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