My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
