UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
