I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
