So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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