You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
