If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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