remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
