I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize