shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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