Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
