i already hear my dad disowning me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this just has baby written all over it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
