party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
