Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
