I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
