it wasn't lemon gatorade
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
