I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
