i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
