my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
