Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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