THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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