is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
