Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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