I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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