Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
tell me about the eggs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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