spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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