Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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