woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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