Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize